The truth.

People always say that no matter how hard or painful the truth is, it has to be confided. I believe in that. I am the type of person who always accepts and understands things, no matter how hard or painful it is, as long as it is the truth. Nobody wants to be lied or cheated on, right? The most painful part is, when you learned the truth by yourself and having the triumphant feeling of being so true about all your past speculations. But is it really a victory? Learning the truth by yourself? Or is it as painful as burning in hell?

There are things that is very easy to accept and forgive but there will always be things, that’s so challenging and frightening to accept and believe in. Yes, you might have learned the truth, so what’s in it for you? Does the truth from the past still matters as if it’s happening real time? A mistake done by the past does not make it any less of a mistake in the present. Just because it has passed, it will be passed. No, whatever’s done in the past can happen again. And again. And again and again and again. If you were lied and cheated on in the past, yes it is possible to happen again in the future. How sure am I? I’m not. But the “trust” has been demolished this time.

Why am I writing about these? Simply because, I can relate. I have been bothered with my emotions and I have no one to talk to and nowhere to run to, to cry my heart out. Thank Heavens, for blogging. I don’t know where to begin in the first place. I didn’t want to publish my personal life but let me just cry this heart out in here without being particular, can I? 

I have been being bugged by a question in my mind ever since I learned a painful truth. – “Is it still worth it?” Everyday, every single minute, I ask that question in my mind but I don’t seem to get an answer to that question. But somehow, it made me realize that I need to think it over, alone and still. I have my own plans but situations seem to replace it with doubts and pain and even second thoughts. I honestly have no idea on how to deal with this b*lls**t. I honestly don’t know where to start but the things coming in my way are giving me signs. Signs to let go, go some other ways and things like that. But more questions are popping in. “Are you ready?, Are you sure?, Is that final because there is no turning back?” – Escape? Is escaping the right thing to do? Or will I be a loser if I escape? Fight? Should I fight for it? Do I have enough courage to fight for it? Is it worth fighting for?

I have been in a similar situation before, it happened so fast and it was really painful. Being surrounded by the people I love helped be get over it. It took time, yes it did but after the storm comes a rainbow. I know it I will get passed this storm too, but what am I really afraid of? I don’t know. I find it really hard that everyday, every hour of my life I have to deal with a painful truth yet no one seems to notice neither give importance to it. 

I’m losing the fire and I am no longer willing to light it up some more. There are too many things to reconsider and I find it not worthy of my sacrifices. I just hope this will be done soon and I will become a better and stronger person after. Regardless of how this will end up, I’m sure this one’s another lesson in my life that I would be most thankful for. So God, may Your will be done.